Aah.....it's been a long long time since I jotted down anything here......
Once again I sit down to think what's been happening all these days and how is today different from yesterday and tomorrow. There is this wierd sensation going on within me for days.........don't really know what it is !!!
If I look back to the things that I always wanted to get, I'm pretty sure I got, but what's in there that is so unusual. I am not the same person as I used to be. Is it so ?? Or is it that people around me keep changing. Ahh, it's quite difficult to be yourself in a world where people constantly try to change you. I have the money to spend, I have the home to live in, I have the clothes to wear, I have to job to work for, in fact I have everything that can possibly make me happy, but there is just one thing that is missing for that one percent of the happiness remaining and believe me this one percent is too expensive to buy. What's the missing thing ??? I have been trying to figure it out for quite sometime. Well, I knew the answer for a long time, but was apprehensive to disclose it to myself even. May be I was afraid to confront the truth.
It's trust, it's faith, it's affection, it's bonding, it's selflessness, it's all about true love. Oh my my !! the same boring stuff once again....I feel like laughing, laughing at my foolishness for giving chance to people to hurt me all the time. How can somebody be so ridiculous !!!
You know what, it's really hard to hold on your emotions back when you get something you really want, but it's harder to let tears flow from your eyes when you realize it was not at all worth it and it's the hardest to learn that all this time long you have been losing out on yourself, you let go your pride and ego, you lose your identity, you are not the same person anymore and then you feel dejected. I despise this feeling of being dependent on my heart all the time. I have been such an altruist everytime and expected others to be the same but to my despair, I found that its extremely difficult to expect anything from anyone. Exceptations, a word too heavy to pay for !!!
Once again I sit down to think what's been happening all these days and how is today different from yesterday and tomorrow. There is this wierd sensation going on within me for days.........don't really know what it is !!!
If I look back to the things that I always wanted to get, I'm pretty sure I got, but what's in there that is so unusual. I am not the same person as I used to be. Is it so ?? Or is it that people around me keep changing. Ahh, it's quite difficult to be yourself in a world where people constantly try to change you. I have the money to spend, I have the home to live in, I have the clothes to wear, I have to job to work for, in fact I have everything that can possibly make me happy, but there is just one thing that is missing for that one percent of the happiness remaining and believe me this one percent is too expensive to buy. What's the missing thing ??? I have been trying to figure it out for quite sometime. Well, I knew the answer for a long time, but was apprehensive to disclose it to myself even. May be I was afraid to confront the truth.
It's trust, it's faith, it's affection, it's bonding, it's selflessness, it's all about true love. Oh my my !! the same boring stuff once again....I feel like laughing, laughing at my foolishness for giving chance to people to hurt me all the time. How can somebody be so ridiculous !!!
You know what, it's really hard to hold on your emotions back when you get something you really want, but it's harder to let tears flow from your eyes when you realize it was not at all worth it and it's the hardest to learn that all this time long you have been losing out on yourself, you let go your pride and ego, you lose your identity, you are not the same person anymore and then you feel dejected. I despise this feeling of being dependent on my heart all the time. I have been such an altruist everytime and expected others to be the same but to my despair, I found that its extremely difficult to expect anything from anyone. Exceptations, a word too heavy to pay for !!!
