Aah.....it's been a long long time since I jotted down anything here......
Once again I sit down to think what's been happening all these days and how is today different from yesterday and tomorrow. There is this wierd sensation going on within me for days.........don't really know what it is !!!
If I look back to the things that I always wanted to get, I'm pretty sure I got, but what's in there that is so unusual. I am not the same person as I used to be. Is it so ?? Or is it that people around me keep changing. Ahh, it's quite difficult to be yourself in a world where people constantly try to change you. I have the money to spend, I have the home to live in, I have the clothes to wear, I have to job to work for, in fact I have everything that can possibly make me happy, but there is just one thing that is missing for that one percent of the happiness remaining and believe me this one percent is too expensive to buy. What's the missing thing ??? I have been trying to figure it out for quite sometime. Well, I knew the answer for a long time, but was apprehensive to disclose it to myself even. May be I was afraid to confront the truth.
It's trust, it's faith, it's affection, it's bonding, it's selflessness, it's all about true love. Oh my my !! the same boring stuff once again....I feel like laughing, laughing at my foolishness for giving chance to people to hurt me all the time. How can somebody be so ridiculous !!!
You know what, it's really hard to hold on your emotions back when you get something you really want, but it's harder to let tears flow from your eyes when you realize it was not at all worth it and it's the hardest to learn that all this time long you have been losing out on yourself, you let go your pride and ego, you lose your identity, you are not the same person anymore and then you feel dejected. I despise this feeling of being dependent on my heart all the time. I have been such an altruist everytime and expected others to be the same but to my despair, I found that its extremely difficult to expect anything from anyone. Exceptations, a word too heavy to pay for !!!
Once again I sit down to think what's been happening all these days and how is today different from yesterday and tomorrow. There is this wierd sensation going on within me for days.........don't really know what it is !!!
If I look back to the things that I always wanted to get, I'm pretty sure I got, but what's in there that is so unusual. I am not the same person as I used to be. Is it so ?? Or is it that people around me keep changing. Ahh, it's quite difficult to be yourself in a world where people constantly try to change you. I have the money to spend, I have the home to live in, I have the clothes to wear, I have to job to work for, in fact I have everything that can possibly make me happy, but there is just one thing that is missing for that one percent of the happiness remaining and believe me this one percent is too expensive to buy. What's the missing thing ??? I have been trying to figure it out for quite sometime. Well, I knew the answer for a long time, but was apprehensive to disclose it to myself even. May be I was afraid to confront the truth.
It's trust, it's faith, it's affection, it's bonding, it's selflessness, it's all about true love. Oh my my !! the same boring stuff once again....I feel like laughing, laughing at my foolishness for giving chance to people to hurt me all the time. How can somebody be so ridiculous !!!
You know what, it's really hard to hold on your emotions back when you get something you really want, but it's harder to let tears flow from your eyes when you realize it was not at all worth it and it's the hardest to learn that all this time long you have been losing out on yourself, you let go your pride and ego, you lose your identity, you are not the same person anymore and then you feel dejected. I despise this feeling of being dependent on my heart all the time. I have been such an altruist everytime and expected others to be the same but to my despair, I found that its extremely difficult to expect anything from anyone. Exceptations, a word too heavy to pay for !!!
Really a nice one.. Unfortunately, the truth is mostly accompanied by sadness, and fantasy always come with happiness. Its simple, fantasy is your brain child but truth and reality is something that you can not control. Similarly, expectations are something you make, so it is fantasy. And non-fulfillment of those expectations is reality - something you can not control. :-)
ReplyDeleteHaving all said and done, we can not keep from building expectations. After all, we are humans, and hence emotional. You said it right, expectation is too heavy to pay for. So, lets not end up paying easily. Lets not build expectations easily. :-)
The one percent happiness that you are seeking is not something you can control. It shall come to you automatically. Sometimes, we think we are in love but we are not. We think that way because we WANT to be in love.. This bloody love is such a fascinating thing. It comes with a hell lot of pain, still it manages to steal all the attention and desire...
I will quote Paulo Coelho here... he says that everyone has a soulmate in this world. Some people find their soulmate early and some people find him/her a bit late. But God always confront us with our soulmate at least once. We just have to identify him/her. If we dont, we might or might not confront him again. And it is quite possible that you have more than one soulmate in this world. I pretty much agree to him on this. :-)